March 11th, 2007

Dear Gem,
The date above means that it is twelve years since the last time we spoke. I wonder how long ghosts live. You've, since your vanishing from my life in 1993, continued to exist in my head in one form or another. At first, as an apparition conjured from many sightings wherein i would sneak around campus just to see you in the flesh. This growing old after a week or two, you soon took residence in my mind and subconscious.

Occasionally, over the next few years, your name would pop up in conversation or i would make the imbalanced comparison between you and whichever female counterpart i was currently seeing. As comparisons grew more and more blurry and obscure, echoing the treatment my memory of your specific qualities received, you landed a plum role in my dream world. You would sometimes take the form of the "One that got away" in the evening's star-studded lineup. You never went too far away in my mind, which may or may not explain actions on my part to continually revive your impact on my life by reaching out to you.

No one knows why i'm interested. You are not the same girl who 14 years ago professed an angry and perhaps regrettable love for me. Who knows what you are like these days, but i still find myself endlessly attracted to that cognition of someone as fruitfully as i had with you - once. You can end this infatuation simply by engaging me. I know, blame you for this, but i have no other explanation as to why after countless rejections of my attempts at reconciliation, i continue to find energy to draw up into this endeavor.

Honestly, you're nothing. You are nothing more than a 2-dimensional cut-out with clothing that adheres to you with the folding of a dozen tabs. You are a hobby, an endless pursuit that quite thankfully has never been snagged. I don't want to know you, in the end. I want to know the boy you fell for, and thus here trapped amongst your numerous refusals. In the end, you are not the fascinating personality i seek, and perhaps you realize this and thus see no reason to indulge such a self-centered individual's attempt at temporal hubris.

And frankly, i don't blame you.

Most sincerely,
DC